There are so many times in life when you find yourself questioning if you are doing the right thing, saying the right thing, and living the right way. As a parent I find those moments seem to come more and more often. I find myself saying things that I hated being told when I was a kid, mainly because they are things that need to be said. "stop fighting with your sister or brother, listen when I'm talking to you, be respectful to your teacher, coach, or any other adult we come in contact with..." I know, like many, I say at least once a day "Are you listening to me?" so often thinking that nothing I say is making any difference.
Lately, I've been praying for the right words to encourage and discipline my suddenly emotional, almost 10 year old. Wondering how I can raise him to be a man of integrity in a world that seems to think that is unneeded. Trying to show him how to control his emotions that seem to be on the edge of his sleeve whether he is standing in our kitchen or on a sheet of ice playing the game he has come to love. I've heard his hockey coach say a few times how hockey taught him so much about life, and I find myself wondering if my son is learning a message that will last beyond his hockey playing days.
Before every game and most practices we tend to have a conversation in the car that goes something like this..."remember to focus on what your coaches are saying, skate hard, and do your best. Back check, go to the net, and pass if you can, if you get knocked down get up quick and let the refs make the calls" This weekend I added a new one to the usual conversation. He got a necklace from us for Christmas that as a hockey skate, puck and stick on the front with the words, integrity, strength, and perseverance on the front and on the back says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". So before every game this weekend I pulled him aside and reminded him that Jesus was in the game with him, that he needed to play like He was watching. It's these life lessons of listen, play fair, and work together that I knew we've tried to drill home to him over the last 3 years that he's played hockey. This weekend, in a hotel room, at 10:30 pm, I realized even more clearly that hockey has been a way for us to teach our son even more about life.
As we laid in beds separated by darkness and the night stand we began to talk about the game that had just taken place earlier that evening. "How did you feel the game went?" I asked, expecting the normal "good, or fine" response. Instead I got to see for One Clear Moment that what we've tried to teach our son has gotten into his heart..
"Mom, I wish I could give someone else credit for my goals tonight"
"Why?"
With a quiver in his voice he said "Because I don't want them, I don't want to have any more points this season, I have too many and I don't want people to think I want all the goals"
"No one is really keeping track of who has how many goals. Daddy keeps track of yours because you've always liked numbers, not because he's going around saying to anyone how many goals you have."
"But he tells people when I get a goal."
"Yes, but he also celebrates if your team mate has the goal."
"I don't want it to be about me, it's about the team."
The lump forms in my throat and I find myself saying "Z people know that, they know that you are not the type of player who thinks 'I'm the only one who can score', they know that you are going to shoot if you can shoot, and pass if you can pass. They know that the other kids on your team are doing the same thing."
"I don't like when they say 'good job' all the time to me, or nice play, or talk about how I got a goal."
"Being humble Zach is wonderful. It's about realizing that the game is not all about you. It's also being willing to accept
compliments and point out others successes. When you get a goal and someone starts to tell you about how great it was, what do you usually do? You usually start to tell them how if so and so didn't pass it to you, you wouldn't have been able to get the shot. Or if another player on your team didn't take the shot you couldn't have gotten the rebound. That's being humble and playing a team sport. "
"I just don't want people telling you how I'm doing something good all the time, other kids are too"
I had told him on the way back to the hotel how another parent had told me how they loved what he'd been doing in a game earlier in the weekend.
"The people who say good things about you, don't say them in front of others, they pulled me aside to tell me. Just as they pull other team mates parents aside to tell them good things too"
He got really quiet for a minute and then said he wanted to stop talking and get to sleep because he had a big game tomorrow.
I laid there in the dark thinking...that was one clear moment. One clear moment when I could see the foundation that has been laid in his life for being humble. A quality that shows the character he is developing and life lessons that he is already learning from hockey. Making the trip worth the drive.
and then onto Seattle, Washington.
of course visiting the Microsoft Corporate Headquarters was one of his favorites.
(the commercials are all wrong, it was really Flat's idea!)
